3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
