went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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