Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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