We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
