bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
too bad you live with your parents still
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
