so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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