my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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