wakey wakey hands off snakey
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
