in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
