i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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