And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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