There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
