If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
