Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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