I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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