I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
