I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
