I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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