Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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