Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
