I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
