We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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