my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
