Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
