Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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