I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
