I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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