who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
