can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
