No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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