I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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