She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
