gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
