SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
