Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
handjob tips. give me some.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
