I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
