I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
