So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
