Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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