Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
