blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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