Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
