does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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