ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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