Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
