Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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