he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
