TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
