he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
