True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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