somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
