i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
