fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
